Parenting from the Heart

Falling In Love With My Son All Over Again

Posted on Posted in Life Lessons, Parenting
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I don’t remember too much from the early months of my son’s life. I had an almost 15 month-old daughter the day he was born. My husband and I hadn’t even celebrated our second wedding anniversary. We had already moved twice; the first was to get a bigger place, the second was very unexpected. Two of my aunts had passed away since our wedding day. And, I had barely slept in two years. Still as I lay in my hospital bed two years ago, it felt like every second of the first few days of his life impressed upon my heart. I could not believe God had chosen me to be so blessed. The day my daughter was born, I felt like all of my dreams came true. The day my son was born, it was as if all my dreams were exceeded. I had the healthy, dynamic, beautiful, strong-willed daughter of my dreams and there I held a second healthy child and a boy, no less. If I had had a second daughter I would be elated too. But the gift of being able to mother both a daughter and a son was not lost on me. As I sat enthralled by the similarities he bore to his sister and his distinct differences, Lauryn Hill lyrics played through my head over and over again.

I’ve never been in love like this before

Now let me pray to keep you from

perils that are sure to come

See life for you my prince has just begun.

And I thank you for choosing me

to come through unto life to be

a beautiful reflection of His grace.

See I know that a gift so great

is only one God could create

and I’m reminded every time

I see your face.

In the months that passed, my love for him, and my little family for that matter, remained steadfast.  But as life settled whirled into a new normal and I began taking each moment at a time as I parented my two under two, I no longer was falling in love with my boy. I loved him. As I saw him develop in his own way, unique to his sister, I was as captivated as I had been with my first. He walked early. His receptive language in both his maternal and paternal languages were nothing short of impressive. He was doing so well. But when I came upon a list I had compiled of my daughter’s words at age 12-months and 15-months-old, I felt winded. When my girlfriends would come over with their little ones born within a month of him, suddenly I found his silence to be deafening. His competencies were undeniable. But when sitting next to another kid his age, it was evident, he wasn’t even babbling. The dissonance was heartbreaking. He was both perfect and perfectly speechless.

When I stripped away the comparisons and my anxiety, I found a way to really see that he was more than fine. He just needed the opportunity to talk. Pregnant pauses, not proceeding without an attempt from him to verbalize, reading even more than before, and one-on-one time became integral. And then suddenly it came. It came in a breathy, deeper than my daughter’s voice. He spoke. And he spoke so sweetly, and deliberately. I have never felt my heart skip a beat the way my heart did when I started hearing his language not only start, but explode. It’s been months now and the words just keep coming, and coming beautifully. There are times where it doesn’t stop and I need to remind myself of how much I yearned for his words to come. And then I think about how lucky I am to fall in love with him again. Because now not only do I have him, and his sister, and their father, but I also am fortunate enough to hear his preferences, understand his assertions, and explore who he is, word by word.

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22 thoughts on “Falling In Love With My Son All Over Again

  1. I had always heard that boys develop slower than girls. Because of that I do my best to avoid comparing my son’s accomplishments (or lack of) to my daughter’s. She was pretty much a talker by 1, and he wasn’t until 18 mo to present. It’s difficult though, because there has been concern occasionally…then I’m reminded that my husband didn’t start speaking until he was 3! Happy Birthday to your adorable little guy! I can only imagine how wonderful it was to hear his first words! I love this sweet, heartfelt post.

  2. Aww, I have a big sister/little brother combo too, and it’s wonderful to see their differences and similarities. My son started talking later than my daughter as well, and the doctor started hinting at early intervention, but I knew he’d speak when he was ready. And boy, did he! He hasn’t stopped, and I love every word! Beautiful post!

    1. Thanks so much, Meredith. A second born boy doesn’t have it easy when it comes to learning language as fast as his older sister. I had nudges towards intervention too. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t necessary. Thanks so much for your comment <3

  3. That is so sweet. I have only boys, but I was always worried about my first son not talking early. Sure enough, he never stops now. But, it is wonderful. Thanks for sharing your story!

  4. This is such a sweet post. It’s hard not to compare our kid’s development but it all melts away when you realize how much you love them just the way they are.

    1. I hear ya! I didn’t compare them too much until it was right in front of my face. And then I got worried, scared, and upset. I’ve learned a lot through it though 🙂 thanks for your comment as always, Shelah!

  5. So sweet! I have a hard time comparing my son and daughter as well. I feel like even at 2 years old she isn’t speaking as much as my son was, but the more I sit with her alone and talk and read, she just amazes me!

  6. This was so beautiful! I agree that sometimes the first one talks for the younger one and it can be hard not to compare our kids to other kids. So glad you are getting to learn more about your little one each day.

  7. This is so sweet! You’re such a good mama and your precious babies are blessed to call you mommy. Each new milestone is so fun and amazing. Soaking it all in and falling in love with them all over each day….that’s where the good stuff is 🙂

  8. Your little boy sounds so sweet. I remember being worried that my son wasn’t talking, either. He seemed so introverted, like there was a lot going on up there that he wasn’t verbalizing. I tried not to be too anxious, because of course EVERYONE was worried about autism, and they still understandably are. But of course, as a first time mom, I was extra nervous. He just needed to be ready to talk, and talk her did. And talk he still does to this day.

    Such a sweet post. 🙂

    1. Thank you!!! He is the apple of my eye. I can totally relate! With my little guy the wheels were turning big time, but all there was was silence for what seemed like a very long time. Your son is so lucky to have you by his side knowing he was capable and then bam! He started talking. Thanks so much for your comment. It meant a lot!

  9. My little guy is very needy, just like his father. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all. It was a huge adjustment for me as I’m not very touchy feely or emotional. Connor has taught me a lot about love, compassion and patience in the last 2 years, 9 months.

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