Here are strategies for helping your sensitive son navigate his feelings and feel strong when he may otherwise feel especially sensitive.

How to get your Sensitive Son to ‘Man Up’

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Of my two kids, my son is the most sensitive.

My daughter is basically my carbon copy. Though she is spirited and strong-willed, I find she is easy to parent because she’s so much like me. My little boy is a bit more difficult. Really, he’s a walking dichotomy. On one hand, he is so rough-and-tumble and full-throttle. On the other, he needs me to cuddle, console, and support him substantially more than his sister. Even when he’s having an absolute blast with the neighbourhood kids, he regularly comes and finds me to sit, be snuggled, and have a break. When something goes wrong, such as him being hurt or when something new is about to happen, his sensitivity comes out in full-force. In all honesty, he cries a lot.

Unfortunately for him, we live in a society where male sensitivity is not favoured. Not only is this well documented, I’ve heard comments such as, “My son is great, but he really needs to man up. He cries so easily.” The truth is, parenting a sensitive son can be challenging. However, there is such a gift in having a child who cares and feels deeply. After a good amount of time parenting a sensitive boy and based on a bit of research, here are some great strategies for supporting and strengthening your sensitive child (the tips are great for either gender).

There is such a gift in parenting a child who feels and cares deeply. Click To Tweet

 

Tips on How to Help Your Sensitive Son “Man Up”

Of my two kids, my son is the most sensitive. Here are positive parenting strategies rooted in research to help your sensitive son feel strong in who he is. Developmental psychology, empathetic parenting, sons, boys, crying, whining, help.

 

Don’t react before he does.

Whether you tense, gasp, anticipate his crying, or get frustrated, chances are your sensitive son will react even more than he would otherwise. For instance, if he falls and doesn’t react, simply praise his strength.

 

Never punish feelings.

Punishing crying likely will lead to more crying. In addition, Psychotherapist Lisa M. McCrohan states that punishing crying won’t lead “our children to be compassionate, empathetic, and confident kiddos.” To read more about how punishment negatively impacts our kids and why, click here.

 

Avoid statements such as “relax,” or “let it go.”

For one, these phrases don’t tell a little person a heck of a lot. Two, it’s dismissive and doesn’t show empathy. And it takes being the recipient of empathy to begin to understand empathy.

Do you have a highly sensitive son? Here are positive #parenting tips to help him feel strong Click To Tweet

 

When he is upset, acknowledge his feelings. 

Dismissing his crying or telling him to get over it won’t work. He needs to feel heard and comforted before he can move on. So, even if his problem seems inconsequential to you, phrases like, “You’re really upset, aren’t you,” or “That hurt didn’t it,” validate him and make him feel heard.

 

Stay calm.

 Yelling and chastizing only lead to feelings of fear and increased sadness. Not only that but staying calm sets an example to remain calm.

 

Have empathetic boundaries.

This may sound oxymoronic. However, in having clear boundaries that show understanding and compassion are key. Know that doesn’t mean you should give in to crying if he wants something he can’t have something. Reiterating limitations while expressing your understanding that he’s upset goes a long way. Think of it this way: you’ve applied for a promotion at work. Your boss goes with someone else. There is a big difference in hearing, “You aren’t ready for the job. You need more experience,” compared to, “We could see your enthusiasm and really appreciate your application, but you didn’t get the job because the other candidate was more qualified.” Both tell you you’re not ready for the responsibility. One shows understanding and appreciate for where you’re coming from. Doing this for our sensitive children pays dividends.

 

Hug it out.

Not only does hugging show affection, it also decreases feelings of stress, anxiety, and sadness.

 

Celebrate who he is.

Thank him for his warmth and affection. Praise what makes him him. The last thing a sensitive boy needs is to feel unsure about himself. Reinforcing what makes him great will serve him well throughout his lifetime, build his self-esteem, and keep his character strong.

 



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11 thoughts on “How to get your Sensitive Son to ‘Man Up’

  1. I love this so much. We have a big sensitive kid on our hands. He cries at the drop of a hat – and he’s of course the one we named “Thor” as a middle name. My husband and I joke that we totally messed up giving him such a tough name. But we wouldn’t want to change him for the world. I love your tips!!!
    Hugging it out has worked for me SO MANY TIMES lately… I love it.

  2. This is a great post! My son is very sensitive but he is slowly learning how to control his emotions, while understanding that it is perfectly okay for him to be upset and share his feelings. It was a tricky thing to navigate when he was younger and lots of family members would comment that he wasnt growing up to be tough enough. But my husband and I ignored them! ha!

  3. I love this. My oldest is definitely my sensitive one. It’s so hard for me, but I’m very careful not to react before he does. Hugs definitely go a long way. I’m also working on remaining more calm because they really do feed off you’re energy. Great post!

  4. Great tips . I have a son whose ” labeled” as sensitive too. I recently did a similar piece of his behavior. ” It’s okay to cry ” Please consider it as my comment on the above. ☺️

  5. So true! I also have a sensitive son, and the best advice I got was to let the emotions roll. His emotional explosions around us are because he feels comfortable in his safe zone. It makes me sad to see others tell him he can’t be upset over the little things (like getting stung by a bee).

    http://www.candidmamalife.com

  6. My brother was extremely sensitive when he was little. I almost would feel bad for him because every member of my family would pick on him for it like it was a bad thing. Once he started school and was around other boys a lot he started to learn how to control his feelings.

  7. I needed this. My oldest (now 6) is my sensitive one and I worry for him. It’s good to be reminded and have tips on how to support and empathize with your child and be proud of who he is.

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