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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / An Open Letter To My Kids About Parenting
An Open Letter To My Kids About Parenting

June 2, 2015 By Tarynn Playle 6 Comments

An Open Letter To My Kids About Parenting

Credit: Jeff_Golden

Credit: Jeff_Golden

 

To My Dear Kiddos,

One day, you may have children of your own. Or, maybe you won’t.

If you do decide to trudge down the path of uncertainty, insecurity, and wonderment known as parenting, I’d like to share a few thoughts.

Once you are a parent, your entire view on life will change.

Fear becomes a renewed part of your existence. I say “renewed” because after you become an adult, your childhood fears subside. Then suddenly, you have a little being you’re responsible for, everything seems terrifying again. There is a balance between being protective, and over-protective. The trick, is finding that balance.

You may disagree with how we raised you.

The “mommy wars” or “parenting wars” will still exist. They’ve been around since the beginning of time. Just know, we did the very best we could to the best of our knowledge.

You may not be happy that we vaccinated you. You may think it’s gross that I breastfed both of you. Perhaps you’ll be angry when you find out that, if the situation called for it, we let you “cry it out.”

These choices were right for us given our experience and resources.

The same goes for my parents and daddy’s parents.

They made choices that helped develop and mold us to be the people we have become. We don’t make  the same parenting choices as them half the time, but the decisions we do make are supported by the foundation of our independence encouraged by them.

That is what I hope we are doing for the both of you. I welcome you to question us and our methods. But respectfully.

I promise you, once you have children, memories from your childhood will surface and you may be confused. Hurt, even. Why did we handle something the way we did? Talk to us about it. We can’t change the past, but we can certainly learn from it (or at lease explain ourselves).

As your kids grow, it will hit you-Parenting is a lot of things.

It’s unconditional love. It’s Encouragement, Faith, Judgement, the latest fad.  But what it all comes down to, is instinct and intuition. Do what is right for you and your family because you love them more than you’ve loved anything in your entire experience, and deep down, you’ll know what needs to be done.

Only then will you be able to fully understand that that is what we did. You two are our world. We’ve always done what is right for you from our point of view.

Also, don’t be afraid to lean on others for help. Whether you need advice, a sitter, or just a moment to use the restroom in peace. Do what you can and before you reach the end of your rope, accept help (because it will be there!). You are useless to your children when you’re angry or frustrated all the time.

So, if you choose to be a parent, I promise I will keep my mouth shut and sit on the sidelines while you do everything wrong, just as your grandparents did for me and your daddy.

With all of my Love,

Mom

 

Filed Under: Positive Parenting Strategies Tagged With: babies, Life Lessons, Parenting, toddlers

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Natasha says

    June 2, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    The last line totally made me blurt out laughter! Great letter!

    Reply
    • Alana says

      June 12, 2015 at 12:04 am

      Haha. It’s great isn’t it?!

      Reply
  2. andthreetogo says

    June 4, 2015 at 3:17 am

    This is awesome! I love it!

    Reply
    • Alana says

      June 12, 2015 at 12:05 am

      I agree. She nailed it!

      Reply
  3. the crunchy mommy says

    June 7, 2015 at 4:10 am

    love this so much

    Reply
  4. Alana says

    June 12, 2015 at 12:05 am

    I know, she wrote it so perfectly 🙂

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I had two under two so much of my life was spent thinking I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when they sleep through the night.

I’ll be happy when my husband doesn’t have to work such late hours.

I’ll be happy when I look and feel like myself again and not a feeding troth 😬😬😬

As it turns out this struggle with finding happiness isn’t unique to me or parenting. 

Collectively our mental health is suffering, but there are many research backed ways to improve happiness. (Link in bio to read more).
♥️♥️ via Heather Shumaker ♥️♥️

via Heather Shumaker
THIS. 🙌🙌 (Follow Maryfairy Boberry) THIS. 🙌🙌 (Follow Maryfairy Boberry)
👣 via @creativechildmag 👣

via @creativechildmag
via Happy as a Mother 🙂❤ via Happy as a Mother 🙂❤
Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
❤️❤️❤️❤️ Teach Through Love ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Teach Through Love
via @unconditional_parenting. via @unconditional_parenting.
via The Outnumbered Mother via The Outnumbered Mother
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😂 😂
So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
Absolutely this. Via Living FULL Absolutely this. Via Living FULL
🙏🙏🙏 (Couldn't help but laugh at that last 🙏🙏🙏
(Couldn't help but laugh at that last one)
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🙏🙏🙏 (Couldn't help but laugh at that last 🙏🙏🙏
(Couldn't help but laugh at that last one)
via @scary mommy
"This year, I changed my assessments by adding a p "This year, I changed my assessments by adding a piece of paper at the end, asking, 'What else do you know about the topic, that I didn’t ask you about?'

Another teacher suggested this idea online about a year ago – I wish I could remember who it was! – and I thought, 'BOOM. I want to do this.'

Answering the question is completely optional, and when students do show more understanding on the sheet than they did on their assessment, I’ll point it out to them. Sometimes I’ll write, 'The learning wasn’t shown in your assessment, but I can see you do know this from what you wrote at the end.'

Afterward, I’ll follow up with them about how to recognize and answer test questions asked in different ways. Clearly, in cases like this, they understand the material but aren’t able to formulate an answer in response to the way I posed the question. I’ll point out to them that while it’s great that they’ve shown me their learning, they won’t always have a chance to answer assessment questions in an open-ended way, and I want them to succeed when they encounter assessment-style questions in the future.

I love what this change has done. This strategy has made my assessments more inclusive. It helps me communicate to my students: When I assess your understanding, I’m looking for what you DO know."
—Teacher Julie Arsenault via @teacher2teacher
Oh my goodness. THIS. via @showerarguments Oh my goodness. THIS.
via @showerarguments
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