There’s no question parents want to give their children every competitive advantage. We want to raise children who will be successful and have a leg up in such a dog-eat-dog world. With so many extracurricular activities for kids to choose from, this is what science says is the best approach.
With summer holidays approaching, it’s natural to worry about our kids’ boredom. No one wants their kids spending the summer fighting over the iPad or in a state of complacency.
It doesn’t help that this time of year, Facebook newsfeeds are punctuated with articles about ‘The Summer Slide.’ They warned that some students experienced academic regression as a result of being away from school for so long.
In such a competitive world, parents want their children to have every advantage possible.
I remember sitting down with the Parks and Leisure Guide highlighting all the activities I felt my two preschool-aged kids would benefit from. With my highlighter in hand, I did my best to select the best extracurricular activities for kids.
I remember frantically pressing refresh on the computer waiting for registration to open.
My palms got sweaty.
Because I have two kids so close in age, I always try and get them in the same lessons when I can. The idea of only finding one open space for two kids stressed me out. I wanted the best opportunities for both of my kids.
As anxiety swept over me, I clicked refresh with more determination.
It took me some time. But eventually, I realized all the panic to register my kids in extracurricular activities didn’t pay off.
The last summer was the first time either of my kids had been in an organized sport. For his fourth birthday, my husband and I decided to sign our son up for soccer. The kids didn’t need any more toys and he loved kicking a ball outside.
When he got his jersey and soccer ball, he was beyond excited.
He set up his own little countdown on the fridge so he could see how many sleeps until his activity started.
Then came the big day.
Soccer started with drills and fun and ended with a short game. My son’s excitement started out strong. By about the 30-minute mark, my husband and I found ourselves doing everything we could to keep our son from begging to leave.
And it wasn’t just him. About half the team was distracted, asked to go home, or was crying.
The whole season played out this way.
This memory makes my heart sink.
It wasn’t just soccer. Most of the activities my kids have been in played out this way.
Because we want our children to see their commitments until the end, our children had to finish out the seasons of the activities they didn’t like. Because of this, we did their best at explaining the value of follow through. We talked to the kids about how they loved soccer or “playing music” (piano). We even resorted to bribing our kids with ice cream afterwards.
Nothing fully did the trick.
Related reading: How to end power struggles with your strong-willed child
This is what science says is the best approach to extracurricular activities for kids
When it comes to the extracurricular activities for kids, the verdict is in. The best approach is extreme minimalism.
Researchers have observed that, since the 1950s, children are spending more time in school, extracurricular activities and in front of a screen.
In this time, the incidence of depression and anxiety amongst youth has increased by 500-800%. One of the main culprits is that we’ve stripped kids’ ability to be kids.
By depriving children of opportunities to play on their own, away from direct adult supervision and control, we are depriving them of opportunities to learn how to take control of their own lives. We may think we are protecting them, but in fact, we are diminishing their joy, diminishing their sense of self-control, preventing them from discovering and exploring the endeavours they would most love, and increasing the odds that they will suffer from anxiety, depression, and other disorders. – Dr. Peter Gray
Research conducted from 1938-2007 looked at over 63,000 high school and college students. Even though the study ran during World War II and the Cold War, the most recent generations were the most mentally ill. They found that more a generation was focused on individual success, the less happy that generation was. This study also found that people who focused on internal measures of satisfaction and worth were the happiest.
So what is the best approach to extracurricular activities for kids?
When our children are at home with us, the best advantage we can give them is ample time to play.
Researchers know that when children feel like they’re in control, they are less likely to experience depression and anxiety in their lifetime.
Free-play should be child-directed and open-ended. So that means if they want to play with you, follow their lead.
Related reading: How to Build on the Magic of Play-Based Learning
But what about all of those missed skills?
If parents are expected to reduce or completely do away with all extracurricular activities for kids, how will children learn skills or pursue their passions?
As far as the latter is concerned, there is evidence to suggest that children who play more have a better sense of themselves and their interests.
When it comes to the latter, Dr. Peter Gray suggests only signing kids up for an activity that they absolutely-one-hundred-percent want to be a part of.
Using baseball as an example, the psychologist draws an invaluable comparison.
When a child plays baseball with the neighbourhood kids, she has to negotiate the rules of the game with her peers. It could be that hitting a car or towards the windows of the house are an automatic out. She must problem-solve to figure out who should be on what team. Also, she needs to play at her highest level to keep up with the big kids and slow down her play to accommodate the younger ones. At the same time, she’s working on the skills that would be learned in an organized practice such as hand-eye coordination, throwing, and batting.
In contrast, within an organized, adult-directed sport, children are mainly learning the skills of the sport but are not using complex cognitive skills to execute the game on their own. The adults take on all of the higher level mental processes.
The ah-ah moment
After realizing how hard we were working to get our children to stay interested in their extracurricular activities, my husband and I decided that we would let our children decide on a max of one activity a season. We still make sure they follow through on their commitments even if interest fades. However, we have done our best to keep our own desires for our kids to do “all the things” in check.
The result is amazing.
Not only are they more enthusiastic about the activity they choose and more focused, the family is also less stressed and more peaceful. It’s definitely a win-win.