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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / The Best Tip to get your Children to Clean Up

October 20, 2016 By Alana Pace 3 Comments

The Best Tip to get your Children to Clean Up

 

My favourite sound in the world is the sound of my kids playing.

 

The richness of their play is fascinating.

 

In eavesdropping, I gain a deeper understanding of what they have absorbed about the world. I hear their fears, impressions, and what matters to them unfold in their play scenes. Honestly, it gives me goosebumps. As such, it should come as no surprise that I am an advocate for play-based learning.

 

Though I encourage my kids to express themselves and explore through play, toy mess can be the bane of my existence. It seems that all of my toy organization can be undone in the time it takes me to unload the dishwasher. And this seems to happen almost every day!

 

Again, I am very happy to have them play and for their play to be unencumbered. What I am not a fan of is them not cleaning up. All too often, my request for them to put their toys away is meant with whines of, “It’s tooooo haaard!” And, “I doooon’t know hooooow.”

 

If any parent has found themselves in this situation, wanting to pull their hair out, know I’m with you. It is no fun to set the expectation we have to tidy up and have them act like I’ve asked the world of them in return.

 

Simple Ways to get your Children to Clean up

There are a number of techniques parents suggest. I’ve heard solutions such as ‘take their toys away.’ Or, “put everything in a garbage bag until they earn it back.” If these solutions have worked for you, props! Really. I tried loading my garage shelf with toys that had been left behind. In our household, it created a lot of initial upset, but no resolve. But I have found some that do get results.

 

Some tactics I have found to work really well include:
  • Establishing a clear expectation from the onset: For instance, when my kids are bringing up toys from the basement, I remind them that they will have to put them away again once finished. They understand we don’t move onto something new before cleaning up. Furthermore, we don’t leave the house before tidying up. That sort of thing.
  • Following through on the expectation: Simply not moving forward or waiting until clean-up is complete shows my kids I mean business.
  • Setting a timer to create a sense of urgency: I set just enough time that my kids have a fair chance of beating the buzzer. Urging them on, I say “On your mark, get set, go!” It doesn’t work every single time, but it’s definitely largely effective. This tactic also helps resolve their otherwise unbelievably slow approach.
But there are those times where no matter what I do, I am met with “I don’t want to.” And, “It’s too hard.” And during those times, the above-mentioned strategies only go so far.

The Most Effective Strategy to get your Children to Clean up

If you're a parent of young kids, it's easy to feel like toys are taking over your life. Moreover, it's difficult to consistently get your children to clean up. Click here to get a number of tips on getting your children to clean up including the simplest more effective tip of all. Parenting, kids, toddlers, preschoolers, scaffolding, developmental psychology

 

Of any strategy I’ve used, the most effective one to get my children to clean up is undoubtedly scaffolding. If you’re unfamiliar with the zone of proximal development, scaffolding on the side of a building may come to mind. And, that’s very apt. The entire premise behind scaffolding in developmental psychology is to provide your child with the support they need to complete a task or exhibit a skill. For instance, a child who cannot successfully count to 20 can do it when a parent puts their hand over their child’s and they count in unison. In this example, all it takes is the parent by their side and the support makes counting easier to do.

 

[bctt tweet=”This is the most effective way to get your children to clean up. #parenting #kids” username=”parentfromheart”]

 

In the case of getting your children to clean up, scaffolding can take shape in a number of ways.
  • You can offer support by holding the container that they need to put their toys into.
  • Offer to work together. You will clean up as long as they’re cleaning too.
  • Point out toys that they may miss.
  • Come along beside them as they tidy up. This simple offer of support will likely pay dividends in getting the house tidied.

 

In no way does this mean you should do it for them. However, by stopping what you are doing, remaining calm, and gently helping them, power struggles dissipate and the cleaning gets done.

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Filed Under: Positive Parenting Strategies, Posts Tagged With: clean up, mess, motherhood, Parenting, toys

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Comments

  1. Heather says

    October 21, 2016 at 9:31 pm

    I do a lot of these things you mentioned. All of them actually. I never realized that scaffolding was a term. I just figured my presence would kick things in gear. Great article!

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
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So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
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"This year, I changed my assessments by adding a p "This year, I changed my assessments by adding a piece of paper at the end, asking, 'What else do you know about the topic, that I didn’t ask you about?'

Another teacher suggested this idea online about a year ago – I wish I could remember who it was! – and I thought, 'BOOM. I want to do this.'

Answering the question is completely optional, and when students do show more understanding on the sheet than they did on their assessment, I’ll point it out to them. Sometimes I’ll write, 'The learning wasn’t shown in your assessment, but I can see you do know this from what you wrote at the end.'

Afterward, I’ll follow up with them about how to recognize and answer test questions asked in different ways. Clearly, in cases like this, they understand the material but aren’t able to formulate an answer in response to the way I posed the question. I’ll point out to them that while it’s great that they’ve shown me their learning, they won’t always have a chance to answer assessment questions in an open-ended way, and I want them to succeed when they encounter assessment-style questions in the future.

I love what this change has done. This strategy has made my assessments more inclusive. It helps me communicate to my students: When I assess your understanding, I’m looking for what you DO know."
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