• Home
  • About
  • Shop
  • Sign Up For My Newsletter
  • Contact

Parenting From The Heart

Empowering parents to teach their children with positive discipline

  • Pregnancy & Babies
  • Parenting Toddlers
  • Young Children
  • Tweens and Beyond
  • Education
You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / Parenting Toddlers / Toddler biting? This positive approach will stop it for good
Toddler biting? This positive approach will stop it for good

July 18, 2020 By Alana Pace 2 Comments

Toddler biting? This positive approach will stop it for good

One of my earliest memories is of me biting another child.

I had to be just over three as I was in preschool. At the end of circle time, each day, each child collected their individual carpets off of the dark green linoleum, stacked them in a pile by the cloakroom and then, it was centre time!

I made a point of always sitting close to the pile of carpets so I could be the first to make it to the kitchen centre. If I got there soon enough, I was guaranteed to get one of the two highly coveted pieces of play-pizza.

On this particular day, my timing was off.

As I dashed to the wooden fridge, a curly-haired girl grabbed the first. A millisecond before my hand landed on the second, my friend Lindy’s did. I tried to pull it out of her hand. I’m guessing I also tried to negotiate. When all else failed, I bit my lifelong friend right on her arm.

My next memory is of me sitting at a long plaid coloured table pleading to rejoin my friends. I remember the teacher handing me a stack of wooden puzzles saying that I could not go back to the kitchen for the rest of the day.

All I remember after that is gasping for air between sobs.

I’m guessing this is the first and last time I ever got in trouble at preschool because the event is still vivid in my memory.

Regardless, the embarrassment sticks with me.

Embarrassment seems to be one of the most common sentiments that follow toddler biting.

Though my story is of my feelings about biting, parents also tend to feel a flood of embarrassment, shock, and consternation when their child bites. Despite how awful it seems to have your child bite you or another child, there is a lot that can be done to understand the source of toddler biting, reduce it, and, eventually, stop it altogether.

Why does my toddler bite?

Toddlers may bite because they:

  • lack language skills – many young children’s thoughts are more complex than their expressive language. Because of this, they may bite because of the dissonance between racing thoughts and their inability to express them.
  • have big feelings they don’t know how to express – Though this is similar to lacking language skills, it could be that even the most verbose little ones feel so overcome by emotion that they lash out and bite.
  • are curious – some children simply don’t know what will happen when they bite. Then, when they get a reaction, they want to experiment and see if it will happen again.
  • have a sensory need for the oral stimulation – meaning, they bite anything and everything because they need to chew.
  • are teething.
  • are exhausted or overstimulated and just can’t use executive functioning.
  • have a need for more rough and tumble play.

Positive ways to stop toddler biting

Start by staying calm.

When I yell, chastise or get agitated, I put my children into a state of hyperarousal causing stress hormones to course through their veins. This makes listening and learning next-to-impossible (1). In the heat of the moment, parents should take a deep breath and be matter-of-fact. For example, in a neutral voice say, “We don’t bite.”

Related reading: How to Discipline a Child: Why science says this is the best approach 

If another child was bitten, pay more attention to the child who was hurt than the child who did the hurting.

Sometimes children act out to get attention even if the attention is negative. As such, parents should withdraw positive reinforcement and focus on the child was hurt. (This, of course, is also smart because the child who was hurt should be attended to.) After you’re sure the other child is okay, focus on your toddler and what needs to be done to correct her behaviour.

Don’t punish biting.

For one, punishing escalates the situation. It takes a behaviour that appears to be aggressive and seeks retribution. On top of that, punishment fails to determine the root of the behaviour, address it and give alternative options to the biting behaviour.

toddlers playing seem to be fighting over a plastic toy.

Ask yourself, what happened leading up to the bite?

Was the child showing signs of exhaustion? Was he acting playfully and then bite? Or, did she desperately want a toy pizza that her friend had first? Answering questions like these will help determine the best way to stop the biting.

Redirect the behaviour.

Look for constructive ways for the child to meet his needs without biting.

For example, if you think your child is biting because she needs something to teethe on or needs oral stimulation, offer safe teething/ chew items.

Biting may be because the child needs more rough-and-tumble play. This creates a context for children to learn how to engage in physical play that doesn’t hurt. This is because wrestling with adults, the adult teaches children when to back off and what limits should be. Roughhousing is meant to be fun and therefore the children engaging in it are motivated to keep the fun going.

If he appears to lack the language to express his feelings, coach him on what to say. When my three-year-old is overwhelmed, I tell him to use his cupcake breath. This is where he pretends he’s holding a cupcake. Then he takes a deep breath blows an imaginary candle out. Then I’ll say something like, “Say to your brother, ‘I’m mad you kicked my blocks!'”

Other ways to redirect big feelings include saying:

  • “We don’t bite. Say, ‘I need space.'”
  • “You don’t bite. Tell Jackson, ‘Toy back, please.'”
  • “Ouch! That hurt. Mouths are for chewing not biting. If you want mama, say, ‘Mama.”

Timeouts or time-ins can be a good way to work through the big feelings, reset, and then be ready to learn what to do.

Related reading: Time-ins vs. Timeouts: Find out what’s best for your family

If the toddler is biting to get a reaction, again, stay calm.

Stay calm, but be firm and honest. For instance, “Biting hurts. Ouch! Teeth are not for biting.”

This post contains affiliate links. As an amazon associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Read books and tell stories about biting.

Creating social stories can be a powerful way to teach a child not to bite. Basically, you construct a story (can be pictorial) depicting what happened leading up to the bite, how biting hurts, and how to act instead.

There are also several great books about toddler biting including:

  • Teeth are not for Biting
  • No Biting
  • Little Dinos Don’t Bite

Books about big feelings, not necessarily biting:

  • Little Monkeys Calm Down
  • I’m Feeling Mad

A final note

Suffice it to say, biting was a shortlived stage of my life. Based on my mom’s recount, I didn’t bite anyone at preschool after that particular incident. And thankfully, over thirty years later, Lindy and I are eh okay.

If you are trying to teach your toddler not to bite, remember that learning a new habit takes time. Be patient with them. Offer them an alternative to biting based on the why behind the biting. Lastly, help your child move on from the experience. Explain to them the consequences of their actions and help them find another outlet that doesn’t involve their teeth!

If biting endures outside of the toddler years, please consult a pediatrician or family doctor. It could be a sign that the child has developmental needs that may need additional help.

For more great articles on parenting toddlers, check out:

10+ Tips to Mitigate Difficult Toddler Behaviour

Stop toddler whining in its tracks with this simple strategy

Front-Loading, Redirection and Connection: 3 strategies for your strong-willed toddler

The Best Books for Potty Training Toddlers

When Should My Toddler Stop Napping? An expert weighs in

How to Conquer Your Toddler’s Potty Training Regression

Filed Under: Parenting Toddlers, Positive Parenting Strategies, Posts Tagged With: difficult toddler behaviour, Parenting, parenting from the heart, parenting tips, parenting toddlers, positive parenting strategies, toddler development

Subscribe to get the latest

free goodies straight to your inbox

Previous Post: « The worst advice for new moms made right!
Next Post: Stressed out about remote learning? These 5 tips are game-changers. »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Michael says

    August 16, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    Love this blog and the strategies presented! Love the thoughtfulness and approach!

    Lori Abosch (Child Behavior Specialist)
    http://www.loriabosch.com

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar


Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

Stay up to date

Join me on Instagram

parentfromheart

Alana-Parenting From The Heart
#socialdistancingchristmas we met my brother downt #socialdistancingchristmas we met my brother downtown at a park, he lined my kids up like they were in front of a firing squad and presented them their gifts 🤣

#covid19 #socialdistancing #chritsmas #yaletown #YVR
Getting our tree. So nice to get outside of the ho Getting our tree. So nice to get outside of the house to do something aside from getting groceries or bringing the kids to school 

#socialdistancing #christmas2020 

#mostwonderfultimeoftheyear #Christmastree
One of our favourite pastimes 😍 #sechelt #rock One of our favourite pastimes 😍

#sechelt #rocks #sunshinecoast #beautifulBC #goplayoutside #childhoodunplugged #parentingfromtheheart
On my facebook page, this weekend, I posted an ima On my facebook page, this weekend, I posted an image of Kamala Harris with her quote, "While I may be the first woman in this office, I will not be the last, because every little girl watching tonight sees that this is a country of possibilities." The intent was to honour the first female to be the projected vice president in the United States.

It evoked a slew of opposing opinions, backlash and emotion. 

I received several comments that I should stick to parenting and not post political content on my page. So I wanted to make something clear. 

Parenting is political. 

Many of the articles on this page are based on how to raise children who embody the parents' values. Our values are reflected in policy and politics throughout all of our countries.

The majority of this page centres on are the rights of children to live in peaceful, respectful homes where discipline is to teach and not to hit or hurt them.

The content of this page also reflects equitable education and the developmentally appropriate treatment of children.

I believe in celebrating childhood. 

From time-to-time page also focuses on the wellbeing of marginalized groups because children deserve to see their race,  gender, and sexual orientation represented and protected in the world. Equally, each child should feel their parents have a respected place in society regardless of their skin colour, sexual orientation, country of origin, or marital status.

All of that said, this page welcomes competing ideas and differing belief systems. I am of the firm belief that liberal and conservative beliefs are important and deserve representation. 

If you aren't comfortable with this stance, you are welcome to unfollow. 

If you'd like to stay, thank you.
-Continued in comments-
Hotel pool ready. 🤣🤣🤣 #forky #accessorie Hotel pool ready. 🤣🤣🤣

#forky #accessoriesoftheday #lovehim
Love this ❤️ Love this ❤️
We’re loving watching the salmon run! It’s jus We’re loving watching the salmon run! It’s just fascinating.

#beautifulBC #salmonrun #boys #YVRblogger #vancouverbc
Absolutely love this! 🙏🙏🙏 Absolutely love this! 🙏🙏🙏
Happy Halloween! #halloween #Halloween2020 #thisi Happy Halloween!

#halloween #Halloween2020 #thisishalloween #trickortreat
Load More… Follow on Instagram

Footer

Privacy policy

Terms | Conditions | Privacy Policy

Let’s Connect

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Looking for something?

Copyright © 2021 · Market Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Infinus

163shares
  • 41
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkRead more