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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / How to Ask About Your Child’s Day and Actually Get Answers!

October 3, 2017 By Alana Pace Leave a Comment

How to Ask About Your Child’s Day and Actually Get Answers!

When my daughter started school, I was so eager to find out about her day. When, “I don’t know,” was all I was getting, I had to get creative. Here are effective ways to find out about your child’s day!

I had heard a million times over that when kids are asked about their days, the typical response is, “I dunno.”

 

What did you do today?

I dunno.

What did you learn?

Nothing.

What did you do in class?

I dunno.

 

Parents everywhere seem to have the same problem. They would love to hear all about their children’s days at school, but asking gets them nowhere.

Despite this, I knew my daughter would be different. You see, she’s precarious, articulate, and outspoken. When I dropped her at her first day of preschool, I was confident she would be bursting at the seams to tell me all about her three-hour day.

How little did I know…

When I picked her up, what I experienced was humbling, to say the least. My daughter was tired, despondent, and on the verge of a meltdown. Every day that I picked my daughter up from school, it was the same. Hopeful, I would try a different series of questions. Despite my best efforts, I would be met with resistance and sometimes big emotions.

 

It took a lot of trial and error.

In fact, it took a lot of trial and error and time. But I’ve finally figured out effective strategies to connect and ask about my children’s days at school and get answers.

 

The first step to asking about your child’s day and getting answers is approach.

Three years into this school thing and I now understand, two crucial pieces need to happen before I start asking about my kids’ days.

1. I give them snacks before I try to talk to them about anything.

By the time I pick them up from school, it’s been hours since they’ve had anything to eat. Also, some kids are so excited and stimulated at school that they may not have eaten as much as they should have when it was time to eat. For example, my kindergartener barely eats his lunch despite having ample time and a big appetite. It isn’t until I pick him up that he finally really eats. Getting their blood sugar up right away is crucial.

 

2. Wait to take their lead before you dive into questions about their day.

The best analogy I can come up with is this. You know how you feel when you just need a moment to finish something and your child bombards you with requests?

“Can I have a cookie?”

“Can we go to the park?”

“How ’bout now?”

“How ’bout now?”

They feel the same when we ask them a series of questions right after school. But unlike us, our kids lack the self-awareness and emotional regulation to be able to tell us calmly that they need a minute. They tend to just react.

Having learnt this the hard way, now when I pick my kids up, I greet them. Then, I wait for them to talk first.

When my daughter started school, I was so eager to find out about her day. When, "I don't know," was all I was getting, I had to get creative. Here are powerful strategies to connect with your child and find out about their day actually get answers to your questions!

How to ask questions about your child’s day and actually get answers

Click here to continue reading

 

 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash and Deposit Photos

Filed Under: Positive Parenting Strategies, Posts Tagged With: after school advice, Parenting, positive parenting

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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A beautiful reminder to find little ways to connec A beautiful reminder to find little ways to connect with our children ❤️❤️❤️
Often people fear responsive parenting will create Often people fear responsive parenting will create needy kids. 

Developmental research suggests otherwise. 

The more reliably and compassionately that we respond to our children’s needs, the more secure and assured they feel to venture out into the world.

Attachment & independence aren’t two opposite sides of a spectrum but two sides of the same coin.
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I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I had two under two so much of my life was spent thinking I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when they sleep through the night.

I’ll be happy when my husband doesn’t have to work such late hours.

I’ll be happy when I look and feel like myself again and not a feeding troth 😬😬😬

As it turns out this struggle with finding happiness isn’t unique to me or parenting. 

Collectively our mental health is suffering, but there are many research backed ways to improve happiness. (Link in bio to read more).
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Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
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So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
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