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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / Parenting a Sensitive Child: Empowering strategies for difficult emotions

September 8, 2017 By Alana Pace 4 Comments

Parenting a Sensitive Child: Empowering strategies for difficult emotions

Parenting a sensitive child can, at times, feel like you’re navigating a mine field. Here are positive parenting resources to effectively parent your emotional child.


 

My four-year-old son is the most sensitive child I know. Thanks to his sensitivity, he is affectionate, kind-hearted and earnest. There is no in my life who tells me they love me more frequently than him.

He’ll call out to me repeatedly. I will think he wants something. For instance, he seems to ask umpty-nine times a day what we have to eat. I’ll respond expecting to have to list off everything in the pantry and fridge only to hear, “I love you so much, Mama.”

 

In that instant, his kindness melts me. The grind of my never-ending to-do list is lessened. And all of the particularly difficult parts of being a work from home parent momentarily slip away.

 

But it’s not just his words that are heartfelt.

Throughout the day, it’s pretty common for his hand to unexpectedly slide into mine. He’ll give it a squeeze. And then carry on his way crashing toy cars or telling hisΒ Paw Patrol pups, “Ryder needs us!” When I find a moment to sit down and eat my lunch or try to nurse the baby, he’ll crawl into my lap because he craves closeness.

 

The depth of his sensitivity is part of him that I truly cherish. But it also leaves me feeling immensely vulnerable.

 

As deeply as he feels love, he feels other emotions.

When he’s excited, he’s practically swinging from the rafters. When he’s happy, he’s shrill and elated. And when he’s sad, he’s crestfallen. But it’s his anger that makes me feel like I’m up the proverbial creek without a paddle.

 

[Related reading: Effective Strategies to Calm an Angry Child]

 

It has caught me off guard more times than I can count. Something seemingly significant sets him off. And he either collapses into tears or digs his heels in with a ferocity unlike anything I’ve seen. I try to use logic. He becomes more willful. I remain firm and then he explodes. It is then that my sensitive, heartfelt boy resorts to screaming, grunting, and becomes unwilling to move or listen at all.

 

In parenting a sensitive child, I’ve learned I need to tread lightly and strategically. Here are the most effective strategies for parenting a sensitive child that I’ve found.

 

Parenting a sensitive child can be difficult because your child experiences many triggers. Find positive parenting strategies and incredible resources to parent sensitive children effectively. Parenting from the Heart

5 Effective Strategies for Parenting a Sensitive Child

Parent preemptively.

This is a hard one for me to always remember. But I find that when I let my kids know my expectations, how are plans will unfold and what challenges they may face ahead of time, they are able to manage their emotions better. For instance, when they ask for the iPad, I let them know to set the timer for 30 minutes. I make sure they understand to shut it off when the timer rings. This goes over much better than arbitrarily taking the iPad away.

 

Comfort him. Don’t mistake comforting for coddling.

Here’s the thing. These two approaches may seem similar to the untrained eye. However, there is one major difference. Coddling, by definition, is to overprotect in an indulgent way. On the other hand, comforting is to alleviate a person’s feelings of distress. It doesn’t matter the source of the distress. Whether a child is crying because her granola bar fell or because she hurt herself badly, she needs comfort. When a child feels understood and reassured, he is able to get through his hurt and frustration more easily and get upset less frequently.

 

When she has a tantrum, remember you can’t control her reaction but you can control yours.

My kids are more likely to calm down faster when I react calming than when I get upset too. This also helps model self-regulation.

 

[Related reading: Stop Yelling at your Kids with this Simple Trick]

 

Remember that saying, ‘Calm down’ or ‘Stop crying’ doesn’t work.

Read more about why using phrases like, “Calm down,” doesn’t actually work here. Instead, these are some powerful and effective strategies to use instead.

 

No matter how difficult his tantrum or crying is, patience is key.

More times than I can count, I’ve tried to distract my son from being upset. I’m ashamed to admit this but I’ve tried bribery too.

“Do you want a cookie? If you calm down, you can have an Oreo.”

It’s taken many failed attempts at trying to ‘shortcut’ my way through a meltdown to realize, the only way through is to ride it out.

 

Additional Resources for Parenting a Sensitive Child

Raising Resilient Kids who Bounce Back

Parenting Through a Child’s Anger

How to Help an Angry Child Calm Down Anywhere (with free printable)

10 Tips to Help your Child with Anger

Sensory Hacks to Calm an Angry Child

Why is my Child so Angry and Aggressive

5 Simple Breathing Techniques to Calm an Angry Child

 

Why You Shouldn’t Punish Emotions

This is Why You Shouldn’t Punish Tantrums

Why You Can’t Discipline the Angry out of your Child

 

Parenting Through Anxiety and Fear

Coaching your Child Through Anxiety

Create your own Anti-Anxiety Kit for Children

The Power of Calming Down

How to Help Your Anxious Child Sleep

Help Your Child Manage Social Anxiety and Shyness

Filed Under: Positive Parenting Strategies, Posts, Readers' Favourites Tagged With: angry child, parenting a sensitive child, parenting a strong-willed sensitive child, positive parenting strategies

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I had two under two so much of my life was spent thinking I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when they sleep through the night.

I’ll be happy when my husband doesn’t have to work such late hours.

I’ll be happy when I look and feel like myself again and not a feeding troth 😬😬😬

As it turns out this struggle with finding happiness isn’t unique to me or parenting. 

Collectively our mental health is suffering, but there are many research backed ways to improve happiness. (Link in bio to read more).
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Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
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So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
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