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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / Responsive parenting is crucial for development. This is why.
Responsive parenting is crucial for development. This is why.

January 28, 2022 By Alana Pace 2 Comments

Responsive parenting is crucial for development. This is why.

Inside: Find out why responsive parenting promotes better outcomes in young children.


The instant my feet hit the asphalt I felt lighter.

Because my whole world revolved around taking care of my two and three-year-olds, I was desperate for a moment to myself. With the neighbourhood sidewalk in front of me and only my playlist to keep me company, this run was both a figurative and literal breath of fresh air.

When my run 10k app dinged, “Slow down and walk,” I should have slowed my breathing and watched the mallards swim in the duck pond.

Instead, I clicked on Facebook.

The top notification was like a punch to the gut.

“You are everything wrong with parenting these days. How will your kid ever learn to stand on his own two feet with a mom like you?”

My pulse pounded in my head and my face flushed. I scrambled wishing there was some to mass message everyone who read the woman’s comment, saying that I was only trying to help.

It was the first time I had received a negative comment on my Facebook page, but it wasn’t the last.

Because my content largely focuses on responsive, positive parenting, from time to time, I get comments like this.

The truth is, though so many people get this parenting philosophy, there are many who really don’t. It seems a portion of people believe that as long as children’s nutritional and safety needs are met, they should be left to self-soothe. Though they may be well-intentioned, these beliefs are misguided and inconsistent with developmental psychology.

Read: It takes a village: 3 anthropological reasons mothers need a community of support

Disclaimer: As an amazon associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

The research is clear: Responsive parenting is foundational for the best developmental outcomes.

This hinges on one basic fact: humans are born prematurely when compared to other species and are therefore highly dependent on their caregivers for nutritional, social and emotional development.

Because of this, developmental research tends to use terms for babies’ first year like “the postpartum incubation period,” or will say that development happens within “the social cradle” – meaning that important learning and development happen cradled in someone’s arms. These terms are important because they highlight the fact that infants need closeness, responsiveness, and warmth to foster optimal development.

Because of this, babies are not meant to be fed, changed and left. Instead, they require responsive, timely care from their parents.

But the question remains what is timely and responsive?

Responsive parenting depends entirely on the parent-child relationship. Consider the example of me and one of my best friends…

When my babies were young, I would walk them pressed against my chest and often would mirror their expressions saying, “Oh you’re sad. Mama’s here.” In contrast, one of my closest friends typically snuggled in bed beside her babies rubbing their backs and shushing them.

Research shows that appropriate responsiveness develops within the parent-child relationship. So what my children come to expect is different from what my friend’s children expect. However, both paths lead to strong developmental outcomes.

Similarly, cross-cultural research finds that socialization and environment shape how parents respond to their young. In the United States and Canada, mothers tend to talk their children through their emotions while Gusii mothers are more inclined to soothe their children by holding them close. Nevertheless across countries the rate and frequencies that mothers respond to their infants are largely similar.

Therefore responsiveness varies from family to family and culture to culture. What matters is not how you respond but that the responsiveness is largely consistent, calm, and warm. On top of it, responsive parenting comes quite naturally.

Both parents and infants are hardwired for responsive interactions.

The mother-infant relationship is meant for this level of responsiveness.

First, mothers are highly sensitive to infants’ bids for attention. Because they think their babies are so cute, they find them hard to resist! In turn, infants prefer their mothers’ voices. They tend to soothe more readily when they hear her voice. Also, infants are drawn to contrast. So, the difference between the whites and irises of our eyes or face and hairline are particularly interesting to them as are human faces in general.

Biology has set up both mother and infant for high levels of interaction and closeness. And for good reason.

Infants experience a myriad of developmental benefits when their parents are highly responsive.

Read: What is Positive Parenting and Why Does it Matter?

Infants and children of highly responsive parents are calmer.

A resounding body of evidence shows that infants of highly responsive parents trust that their parents will meet their needs. As a result, they experience less stress, are soothed more easily, and show more appropriate emotional responses than infants with unreliably responsive or largely unresponsive parents.

Responsive parenting leads to greater independence

Around the age of two to three months old, infants begin to anticipate their mothers’ responses. As this happens, they begin intentionally engaging with their caregivers. In time, just how predictably warm and responsive mom is determined just how securely attached baby is.

This is important because secure attachment is responsible for a plethora of positive developmental outcomes that carry into adulthood. But in infancy and toddlerhood, secure attachment is associated with calmer, more engaged, and independent behaviour.

Children have more advanced language and cognition when their parents are highly responsive.

In a study of 9 and 13-month-olds, researchers found that high responsiveness resulted in more expressive language. A study that looked at the play and maternal responsiveness found that fifteen-month-olds with highly responsive, positive mothers performed better on cognitive tests, and exhibited more elaborate play behaviour and advanced vocabulary.

The TLDR?

Research shows that the more reliably parents respond to their infants’ and children’s bids for attention and care, the more they trust their needs will be met. This decreases stress and promotes feelings of calmness and security. These children become more independent because they aren’t easily overwhelmed and know their caregivers are there when they need them. On top of being calmer and more independent, these children show more advanced:

  • cognitive development,
  • language development, and
  • play.

This doesn’t mean parents need to respond to every single whimper or bid for attention. What it does mean is that children benefit from predictable, loving, compassionate care.

So even though the internet comment section may not entirely approve, parents should comfort, support and interact with their children regularly to foster the best developmental outcomes.

More great articles like this

What is positive parenting and why does it matter?
“It Takes a Village:” 3 anthropological reasons mothers need a community of support
Time-in vs. Timeout: How to decide what’s right for your family
Front-Loading, Redirection & Connection: 3 powerful strategies for your strong-willed toddler

Filed Under: Parenting Babies, Parenting Toddlers, Parenting Young Children, Positive Parenting Strategies, Posts Tagged With: parenting from the heart, parenting toddlers, positive parenting

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Comments

  1. Himali Parikh says

    March 5, 2022 at 6:37 am

    you are very true about your thinking. Both parents and children are equally dependent on one another for emotional support and we should go through responsive parenting and take everything slowly and gradually.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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Often people fear responsive parenting will create Often people fear responsive parenting will create needy kids. 

Developmental research suggests otherwise. 

The more reliably and compassionately that we respond to our children’s needs, the more secure and assured they feel to venture out into the world.

Attachment & independence aren’t two opposite sides of a spectrum but two sides of the same coin.
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I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I had two under two so much of my life was spent thinking I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when they sleep through the night.

I’ll be happy when my husband doesn’t have to work such late hours.

I’ll be happy when I look and feel like myself again and not a feeding troth 😬😬😬

As it turns out this struggle with finding happiness isn’t unique to me or parenting. 

Collectively our mental health is suffering, but there are many research backed ways to improve happiness. (Link in bio to read more).
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Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
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So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
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