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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Strategies / Parenting Babies / Some of the Best Advice for a New Mom

August 9, 2015 By Alana 7 Comments

Some of the Best Advice for a New Mom

by Melissa Matters

Advice for New Moms | Parenting From the Heart
I became a mother for the first time, just a few days before Mother’s Day.  It has been almost three and a half years since I’ve had a newborn.  However, when I see a mom with a new baby, it all comes rushing back to me.This is for the new mom:

I see you, you with your little bundle and heavy eyelids.

You’re tired, your stitches are sore, and you feel….. different.

The last few days have been like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

You brought life into the world. Sweet chubby cheeks, tiny toes, soft skin, all of it. The baby smell, both good and bad, has permeated your household.

I know last night you probably almost nodded off while feeding your precious babe.

As you sit in the bed, your chair, your couch, in the violet shadows of morning, you might think this baby thing is the best thing and the hardest thing in the world.  You might wonder how you could love anything else more.

Or you might have different feelings. You might feel overwhelmed like you could collapse from exhaustion. You might feel blue.  You might even want to cry.

Or you might feel a mixture of both.  Motherhood, after all, is a roller coaster of emotions.

Some days may bleed together as if there wasn’t a start or an end. Changing, feeding, sleeping, repeat. There might be days when you have to make a choice between sleeping or showering.

But, some days may be amazing. The silver lining in a dark sky.  First giggles, first smiles. Fingers grabbing, feet kicking, mouth blowing raspberries.  Every day, you’re making memories to put in your little one’s baby book, to share with your friends and family, or to stash away in your heart.

 

And, when you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, not mom enough, or not doing enough, remember this:

 

 

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Moms, you’re amazing. Not perfect, because no one is, but amazing.

Between the midnight feedings, rapid-fire of unsolicited parenting advice from others, and piles of laundry, it may be hard to catch your breath. But when you do, breathe in their loveliness. Soak in their wide-eyed wonder.

Welcome to the journey of motherhood. Enjoy the ride.

What words of encouragement do you have for new moms?

 

Melissa.MattersMelissa Matters was a married, stay-at-home mom of two.  She also had two dogs and two cats.  Good things come in pairs right?  She was wading through motherhood, one day at a time, and enjoy writing about the trials and joys of the experience.

 

 

Filed Under: Parenting Babies, Posts Tagged With: first time mom, Life Lessons, new mom, newborn, pregnancy, pregnant

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Comments

  1. Melissa says

    August 10, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    Thank you so much for putting up my post! This was one of my favorites to write.

    Reply
  2. Homemade Experience says

    August 10, 2015 at 5:24 pm

    So perfect and encouraging for new moms. I absolutely love this.

    Reply
  3. Chanity says

    August 11, 2015 at 12:09 am

    My babies are 7 and 2 and I still think it all went by so fast. I love this reminder for new moms!

    Reply
  4. triciathegoodmama says

    August 11, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Oh this is such a great post! Love it!

    Reply
  5. TamaraG says

    August 11, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Amen! So important all of this. I needed this reminder before number 2 arrives this fall.

    Reply
    • Alana says

      August 11, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      Aw! Thanks and thanks for commenting, Tamara! You must be so excited!!!

      Reply
  6. Sasha Fierce says

    September 5, 2015 at 11:44 am

    Love this! Having a hard week with our tiny human but we got rasberries this week too. Hello silver lining!

    Also, I’ve nominated you for the sunshine blogger award.
    x
    SF
    https://theycallmesashafierce.wordpress.com/2015/09/05/sunshine-blogger-award/

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Alana. When I'm not nursing cold, stale coffee, I usually can be found with the baby on my hip, barefoot, and racing after my two older kids. Thanks to a degree in psychology and a free-range childhood backing onto an expansive evergreen forest, positive parenting and play-based learning are my passions. Read more here.

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A beautiful reminder to find little ways to connec A beautiful reminder to find little ways to connect with our children ❤️❤️❤️
Often people fear responsive parenting will create Often people fear responsive parenting will create needy kids. 

Developmental research suggests otherwise. 

The more reliably and compassionately that we respond to our children’s needs, the more secure and assured they feel to venture out into the world.

Attachment & independence aren’t two opposite sides of a spectrum but two sides of the same coin.
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I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I I remember in my earlier days of parenting when I had two under two so much of my life was spent thinking I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when they sleep through the night.

I’ll be happy when my husband doesn’t have to work such late hours.

I’ll be happy when I look and feel like myself again and not a feeding troth 😬😬😬

As it turns out this struggle with finding happiness isn’t unique to me or parenting. 

Collectively our mental health is suffering, but there are many research backed ways to improve happiness. (Link in bio to read more).
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Though there are countless people who understand t Though there are countless people who understand the importance of positive, responsive parenting, the idea that young children should self-soothe remains a prevalent belief.

Though this ideology is well-intentioned, it actually goes against what we know about human development.

Babies come into the world highly dependent on responsive caregiving not only for nurturance and protection but also to foster social and emotional development.

While it may seem that leaving a child to cry will help her learn to cope, it actually floods her brain with cortisol. She doesn’t learn to self-soothe but instead to shut down.

Though it may seem counterintuitive to some, independence is fostered through responsive care. The less stressed a child feels, the safer he feels to explore his world. The less stressed he feels, the more appropriate his emotional responses become.

This is first seen in late infancy but pervades through childhood and adulthood.

Have any questions about these findings? Feel free to comment below or send me a message!
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So often independence and attachment are thought t So often independence and attachment are thought to be mutually exclusive.
However, research shows that in order for children (and adults) to be independent, they need to feel safe and secure within their closest relationships. In childhood, this means having caregivers who respond to distress and both emotional and physical needs.
In adulthood, people who have responsive and caring partners feel more stable and comfortable being independent.
So hold and comfort those babies.
Hug and respond to your kids.
Love and hold space for the adults you are closest to.
Attachment fosters independence.
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